2/23/14
This would be the main concept: that a limited awareness in turn limited my awareness of my own power to choose, i.e. "i didn't know that was a choice!"
Actually, it could have been that I was aware I didn't know something. My fear of that truth led me to never discover something as a choice. Oh, conservatory training, boarding school, voice lessons? I don’t know the first thing about looking into that. It’s not that the fear has to be overwhelming, but just slightly stronger than the desire to do the thing.
"You can't make a list of the things you don't know." But then, isn't working through that list the life's work of everyone you know?
When you go to a spinning class, the bikes have a braking button with big letters: STOP | PUSH. It's not meant to be read as a duality. But it really is the ultimate choice. Ask that girl out? No, the fear of the unknown trumps the allure of the unknown. You won’t know until you seek out the answer, of course.
People develop elaborate systems of risk-analysis to mitigate such situations, all in the name of rationality and practicality. But practicality is, perversely, a mode of self-preservation, and for what exactly are you preserving yourself?
When a tree apples, can it also joy
This would be the main concept: that a limited awareness in turn limited my awareness of my own power to choose, i.e. "i didn't know that was a choice!"
Actually, it could have been that I was aware I didn't know something. My fear of that truth led me to never discover something as a choice. Oh, conservatory training, boarding school, voice lessons? I don’t know the first thing about looking into that. It’s not that the fear has to be overwhelming, but just slightly stronger than the desire to do the thing.
"You can't make a list of the things you don't know." But then, isn't working through that list the life's work of everyone you know?
When you go to a spinning class, the bikes have a braking button with big letters: STOP | PUSH. It's not meant to be read as a duality. But it really is the ultimate choice. Ask that girl out? No, the fear of the unknown trumps the allure of the unknown. You won’t know until you seek out the answer, of course.
People develop elaborate systems of risk-analysis to mitigate such situations, all in the name of rationality and practicality. But practicality is, perversely, a mode of self-preservation, and for what exactly are you preserving yourself?
[Morning Pages Excerpt 2/23/14]
When a tree apples, can it also joy
Or mourn
Or sigh
Or cheer
Or hum
Or chant om
Does a tree ever harden his eyes, or soften them
If she is always relaxed, is she also always dancing
When you are dancing, are you away from the center
or about to discover it
or about to discover it
When you worry, have you lost the center
or are you clinging to it?
or are you clinging to it?
The prayer is to know the one, to disregard the many, the idea of the many.
To disregard what is right and to live what is true.
And there is no more true,
only true and obscured true.
And it’s no more or less your choice as anyone else’s.
[Morning Pages Excerpt 3/16/14]
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